Love more? More love?
After three weeks in the Mountain West, I made my way back to the Midwest. For the first time in 16 months, I went home to Montana to see my people and celebrate the entrance to my 4th decade.
The choice to move from MT (to OR) to MN was not easy, and it’s one I’ll never regret. But over the past 16 months I consciously chose to not “go home” to MT, because I know some secrets about myself.
I know that when I leave Montana, like literally drive out of the driveway of my sister-wife’s house, I start to cry knowing the airplane will take me away soon. I can’t tell you why I cry, but leaving my deepest loves makes me sad. And this grief used to affect how I "live" in MN. But with a break, now, I have more resilience and know how to get over my grief.
Second secret: I knew if I went home I’d want to go back...like permanently...and I don’t feel like my work in the city is done. It's just beginning.
Let me tell you something. Montana has shaped me as an adult. It is home.
The thing I forgot about Montana, which totally startled me that I forgot -- it's dark. Really dark.
It’s dark enough to make you feel the stars, hear the voices in the trees, and taste the sunrises. It makes you feel your thoughts, feel the unwinding, and the repair. It makes all the “busy” go quiet – and I wasn’t totally ready for that level of quiet.
In all my hustle in 2015, even though I was getting quiet everyday, it was not this level of quiet.
So…I let it in. It wasn't always comfortable, either. But my time in MT was limited, and I wanted to soak in every bit.
One night, I sat up late looking out at the stars – I think it was New Years Eve. We all went to bed early, and it’d been forever since I talked to the stars. I sat like a kid at the side of my bed, just talking to the world that I call the spirit world seeing what I’d see and what I’d hear.
Whooosh – a huge shooting star from east to west shot by me. Got a download. Up next, from North to South a baby shooting star. Another download. Then a wave of light danced on the western horizon, I wondered if it was the Northern Lights since I had my glasses off – Instagram confirmed it was the next day. Another download. Then sleep...
I loved my entrance into 2016.
The next 6 days were filled with getting to know the land around my friends new home. Playing with the boys, learning to help a pony with Founders, riding on 4-wheelers and cooking great meals. I got to see my own “auntie” and introduce my friends to her family, making new connections in a new community. A big birthday party with my favorite hearts. Runs in the country. A day in Bozeman to work. And, discovering the piece of land I will buy to start my return.
But...the sun, the sky, the mountains, the eagles, the hawks, the laughter, the love, the movie night, the fires, the food and the coffee – and oh the wine with my best girlfriend - this medicine, this food, I didn’t know I needed.
But I did. It’s why I was there…
When I landed back in MN, I saw the positive effects of being out west on my body and soul. I was talking to Angela about it and she said, “Well yah, you got so much ‘primary food’ that it made everything right and align in your body.” I asked, “What? Primary food…what?”
She said, “You know…love, connection, physical activity, doing the work you love, and being in places that feed your soul and deepen your spiritual quest.” I didn't know this terminology, but it made me light up with curiosity.
She talked on, and I listened. When she was done explaining I said, “YAH! I gave myself primary food!!!” I was so proud of myself and also acknowledged how much I neglected giving myself primary food last year hustling to make LMH happen and grow business. #notaprotip
Leonard Cohen says, “You go your way. I'll go your way too.” What I know now is that I can do both – give myself huge doses of primary food while hustling and growing my business.
New plan for life: more Love! Love more!
How many of you can step up and say you’re not allowing yourself enough primary food? Raise your hands in the comments or on social this week.
The sun just came out as I’m wrapping up. Time to break up the day with some outside play!
Love you to bits.