My best friend recently had a birthday. She was making a date with her sister to go out, get a patio seat and just sit together and drink wine. The tipper was that she wanted to go out with someone who wouldn’t make her talk about, well anything actually. She just wanted to go out with someone she loved and be quiet, together, of course laughing at the stupid shit people do on a Saturday night.
When we were talking about this later, I said, “It’s like honoring the fact that there’s always noise in your life and you’ve lost a level of independence as a mom. And sometimes you need that time just to be.” She responded, “Right!?” I think it sounds like a dreamy way to celebrate a birthday.
Who's prepared for the loss of independence you’ll experience once you become a mom? From a Provider’s perspective and experience, I hear about it all the time and it’s one of the biggest struggles women face during the first year postpartum. The loss of independence is something we can prepare for to a certain level, but we really learn most when we’re living it.
Prenatally, you can talk to your spouse about the realities you’ll face, the dynamics that will change when your kids are born. When you go from having one baby to two, you’ll have to talk about it again. But when we’re women, living the transition to motherhood, we have to take a step back and remind ourselves what we live for as an individual. For instance, one client I work with really waffled on this concept. She works 40-60 hours a week for an International Non-Profit, her husband is in Medical School. This means she is full-time momma and full-time career woman. After a few sessions together, she told me how she had planned with her husband to get one weekend morning to herself to get in the mountains to run.
The deal they made: She gets an “Alpine Start.” This means she’s up and out of the house by 4 am. She drives to a trailhead and does a solid run or hike, and is back home by 11 am. She told me she feels like she has more energy to give her child, her home and most importantly her husband. It reminds her of what connects her to a deeper sense of independence and self…Total soul food.
Reclaiming little things that made you feel your awesomeness prior to kids isn’t something you should feel guilty about today. These are the gifts you embody that will make your kids say, “Mommy, you’re awethome!” And you’ll say, “Baby, yes I am. I do it for you and me.”
In a recent interview with Molly Guy, Creative Director at Stone Fox Bride, she said, "Falling in love, becoming a mother and growing up in general has this sort of beautiful 'deal with the devil' vibe to it. The amount of wisdom and love you gain is directly proportionate to the vanity and ego you're willing to lose.”
Now it’s your turn. Tell me one thing you will do this week that helps you gain wisdom and love. Jot it down in the comments.
Go. Have a fantastic week.
Let’s rock August out and get some fire going as we play out the final days of summer. Lots of love.